My electricity bills have been punishing ever since I moved into this flat. Today I finally did what every good consumer in a privatised and deregulated market should do, and went comparison shopping at the sarcastically-named

Turns out that based on my kw/h consumption in my last bill, I could save as much as $20 a quarter by switching to a cheaper provider. After the $20 switching cost. Six months in, that's a cheap bottle of wine's worth of pure profit every three months!

F**k #. Where's when I need it?
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I think the actual problem is that the meter for my flat is in a room behind a locked door, behind the laundry, bearing a sign saying "This door must be kept locked at all times." (I think the "Beware of the leopard" sign must have come loose.) So all my bills have been guestimates bast on the last genuine reading which, based on the available evidence, would have been during the tenancy of somebody who was living here among steaming server racks, mining Bitcoin.